At one point in my life I said I was done eating gimmick Twinkies. Those seem to be the norm now, especially after the delicious treats were brought back from near extinction in 2013. I get on the gimmick Twinkie (Which I will now call Gwinkies) train and almost immediately got off. The Gwinkie that did it? It was the abhorrent X-Men movie tie-in Twinkie with blue raspberry mutant creme filling. They were garbage, and I was forced to eat the entire box (not all at once), because I refuse to throw food away.
It happened while I was walking by the snack cake shelves in the grocery store. I picked up a box of the USA red, white and blue Gwinkies. Those are just twinkies with patriotic sprinkles in the creme filling. I figured I was safe there. I couldn't leave well enough alone, though, and this box of cotton candy Gwinkies beckoned me to pick them up as well. I thought about it, and thought about it, and eventually I put them in my cart as well.
"But, what if they suck?" That little voice told me.
"Hey, pipe down there!" I told the little voice.
"Remember the blue!" The voice whispered as it faded away.
I admit they were eye-catching. Pink filling inside a delicious snack cake that we all loved as children. Heck, the very mention of the word, "Twinkie" brings a flood of memories rushing back to us. Plus, what kind of monster doesn't like cotton candy? Cotton candy invokes memories of trips to the circus, the carnival, and maybe even the zoo. It's a slice of Americana!
Alas, these memories should have stayed there. Twinkies and cotton candy do not mix well at all to me. They are way too sweet, and I just don't need that type of flavor assault overloading my taste buds. I will say that the taste was very authentic to the cotton candy flavor, but I just didn't like it together with my Twinkies. Also, they have a very strange aftertaste that doesn't quite go away until about 30 minutes later. There is nothing really foul about them, they're just not for me.
So, great, now I have to finish this box. ugh.
What lesson did we learn here?
Will I learn, though? Probably not. Will I buy other gimmick Twinkies? Definitely.
Samuel Colunga is a writer/podcaster from Texas by day, and superhero by night.